1. She
was in the bathroom, putting
on her makeup, under the watchful
eyes of her
young granddaughter,
as she'd done many times before.
After she applied her lipstick and
started to leave, the
little one
said, "But Grandma, you forgot to
kiss the toilet paper
good-bye!"
I will probably never put lipstick
on again
without thinking about
kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the
other day to wish me Happy
Birthday. He asked me how old
I was, and I told him, 80.
My grandson was quiet for
a moment, and then he asked,
"Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren
to bed, a grandmother changed
into old slacks and a droopy blouse
and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting
more and more rambunctious,
her patience grew thin. Finally,
she threw a towel around
her head and stormed into
their room, putting them back
to bed with stern warnings.
As
she left the room,
she heard the three-year-old
say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling
her little granddaughter what
her own childhood was like.
"We used to skate outside on
a
pond. I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from
a tree in
our front yard.
We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in
the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking this all in. A t last
she
said, "I sure wish I'd
gotten to know you
sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting
one day when he asked,
"Grandma, do
you know
how you and God
are alike?" I mentally
polished my halo and
I
said, "No, how
are we alike?'' "You're
both old," he
replied.
6. A little girl was diligently
pounding away on her
grandfather's word
processor.
She told him she was writing
a story. "What's it about?"
he asked. "I don't know,"
she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my
granddaughter had learned
her colors yet, so I
decided
to test her. I would point out
something and ask what
color
it was. She would tell me and
was always correct. It was
fun
for me, so I continued. A t last,
she headed for the
door, saying,
"Grandma, I think you should try
to figure out some of
these colors
yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy
and I entered our vacation
cabin, we kept
the lights
off until we were inside to
keep from attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies
followed us in. Noticing
them before I did,
Billy whispered, "It's no
use Grandpa. Now
the
mosquitoes are coming after
us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked
me how old I was, I teasingly
replied, "I'm
not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandpa,"
he
advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10.. A second grader came home
from school and said to her
grandmother, "Grandma, guess
what? We learned how to make
babies
today." The grandmother,
more than a little surprised,
tried to
keep her cool. "That's
interesting." she said... "How
do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl.
"You just change 'y' to 'i'
and
add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a
sentence about a public
servant,"
said a teacher. The small boy wrote:
"The fireman
came down the ladder
pregnant." The teacher took the
lad
aside to correct him.
"Don't you know what pregnant
means?" she
asked. "Sure," said the
young boy confidently. 'It means
carrying a
child."
12. A grandfather was delivering
his grandchildren to their home
one day when a fire truck zoomed
past. Sitting in the front seat of
the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing
the dog's
duties. "They use him
to keep crowds back," said
one child. "No," said another.
"He's just for good luck.."
A third child brought the
argument to a close."They
use the
dogs," she said firmly,
"to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked
where his grandma lived.
"Oh,"
he said, "she lives
at the airport, and when
we want her, we just go
get her.
Then, when we're done having
her visit, we take her back
to
the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man
on earth! He teaches me good
things, but I don't get to see him
enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny,
when they bend over, you hear
gas leaks and they blame their dog.
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